Just a dreamer...

I remember being quite young (8ish?) and looking at huge billboards on the side of the road and 'rearranging' them.  Meaning... critiquing them as to the colors that were used or font chosen, how they could be tweaked to visually be more impressive (or so I vainly thought).  I remember going to Guntersville Lake with friends in High School and spending more time looking at the lake houses skirting the lake and thinking how the properties could be landscaped differently or how the docks could be widened to allow for a seating area, etc.  My mind has worked this way ever since I can remember.

I rip out pages in magazines.  I file away 'maybe one day' projects.  I thoroughly enjoy Pinterest.

(embarrassing photo of the current condition of my nightstand...

 5 weeks of recovery, 20+ magazines devoured and torn apart to keep inspiration pages)

And my dear husband has always been perplexed by this ;)  He worries that I spend time researching and visualizing something and then it rarely actually materializes... and that it must take its toll.  Not for me though.

 (2012 Spring To Do list)

Each Spring I start a big list.  It has items to purge, clean, create, improve.  My list this year was interrupted by my surgery.  No fear.  So many items are still doable, just in a much longer time frame.  My to do lists don't nag me, they don't loom over my head... they are fun to create, fun to check off little boxes, fun to ball up and toss in the trash... EVEN if boxes are left unchecked.  gasp.  All creative and good.

Back in 2006, when we were just beginning to building of our house... we hired an incredible landscape architect.  First and foremost, he helped us place the house and carriage house on the property.  Perfection.  We then asked him to start a master landscape plan, including several key items we wanted like a pond, back pastures, pool, etc.  Not fully into that process, we asked him to stop... the house building had exhausted us, and we knew we needed to stop all future projects, LIVE in the house, take things slower.  A few years later, we had a different landscape designer come wanting to do this project.  We weren't sure we were ready to move forward.  We still were not sure we were up for more construction quite then.  The economy made the decision for us, grin, we weren't near reckless enough to finance ANYTHING at those rates.  Little more time goes by.

We found our original landscape architect again (he had left the original firm and opened his own business), and we have started the process again.  Will this time be the 'charm'?  Not sure.

 (inspiration magazine page torn out years ago for dining arbor)

Does Shawn worry that all the time I spend collecting ideas, making notes, researching, will be for not?  He probably does.

 (inspiration page for pool)

But he need not worry.  I love it.

 (chicken coop landscaping)

I realize the plan we work on now is so much more appropriate than the one we would have had if we had moved forward so quickly after building the house.  We did not even know at that time how we would REALLY use the land.  I have crumbled up 'ideas' torn out of a magazine from years ago because they just would not function with how we live.

 (pond inspiration)

Will the landscaping (or at least parts of it) finally get done?  Will our house stop looking like the one from Wizard of Oz... just plopped in the middle of a pasture... not even one bush planted around the house?  Not sure.  The saga continues and I am OK with that.  The visualizing and dreaming will continue...

Recently we found some real estate/existing building for sale that might have worked as a new office site.  While Shawn is tight on space and we are often frustrated by our current landlord, our current office serves us and our patients quite well.  We weren't actively looking to move/build, but an opportunity presented itself.  Keeping in mind I am still recovering from surgery and Shawn is super busy at church and work and doing all the things I currently can't at home.  Researching the renovation of an existing building for a dental office (codes, plumbing, wiring, etc) is a massive undertaking, etc.  We still felt it was worth a good looking in to.  We called in the experts... contractor, equipment rep, bankers etc... checked on variance codes, spoke with neighboring property/business owners... total whirlwind efforts!

All that to find out 8 days later there are not nearly enough parking spaces for patients.  Do we bulldoze part of the building to accomodate for parking as suggested by our contractor?  Will it work?  Yes.
BUT, wait...
...is this right for our family at this time.  Do we want to involve our whole family and all our time into an office construction project?  We have one short year left with Savannah at home... she graduates 2013 and is itchin' to go away to college.  Christian will be right behind her a year later preparing for a mission.  Ty is at a super busy age with school, scouts, church, and baseball.

Timing.  

Will land or existing buildings to renovate be available in our ideal location of town years from now?  Land, not likely.
Existing buildings available to renovate, rarely.
Building/Renovating a new dental office is put on the back burner!
Have we made the best decision?  yep.
Is all the hectic collecting of information, visualizing, and dreaming that consumed us for 8 days worthless?  NOPE.

Maybe now my husband better understands my 'dreamer' tendencies.  Maybe he sees that the time he spent on all the dental office details... the time I spend already planning out the interior design and the exterior landscaping of that future office... was necessary to come to the final decision.  Even if the decision was simply... not now.  Maybe not ever.  We will make it a matter of prayer... most importantly, a matter of what is best for family.

This is the way I see it  (I will never EVER be convinced otherwise) ... Dreams are worth the process involved, even if the dream, itself, is never a reality.  I don't want to stop dreaming!