Praise and Petition

I have been str.uuuuuuugg.l.ing lately.  I seem to have these phases, ups and downs. Can anyone relate? :]

I remember vividly a wonderful talk given at a Ward Relief Society Meeting while we were in Dental School.  It was entitled... 'Patterning our Lives after the Pattern of Prayer'.  We know and have been taught that we are to first express our gratitiude and praise to our Heavenly Father for the blessings and trials in our lives, the later being a toughy sometimes.  And then it is perfectly OK to then petition for help, needs, strength, health, etc! And the beautiful closure of prayer, In the name of our Savior, Amen.

So, remembering this talk... I am DAILY ever so praising........ heavily petitioning.... and maybe tiptoeing into pleading..... but in the end KNOWING that My Savior will cover the rest.

Because this is very much my journal, I will make the following notes so I can look back and nod, remember when, possibly giggle at myself, and most importantly and truthfully... so that my posterity will be clear that I am not perfect... but I have, and hope to always have.... a never ending tug of what is really important.

Points of Petition in my life right now:

1.  Homeschooling is tough, I mean one of the toughest things I have ever done.  I love it, I truly do.  I wanted it to be challenging for me and the kids, got that wish in LOADS!!!  Still know that it is the right choice for our family, sometimes those right choices can sure be a kick in the pants though.

2.  I thought Shawn and I would NEVER have a harder combination of callings than the two we had in Dental School.... him as YM President and me in Primary Presidency.  Small ward, struggling ward, tons of need, tons of time serving, nearly no down time.... and graduate school and 2 babes in addition, whew.

NEVER SAY NEVER, never, never... getting that word out of my system. Throughout my life I have edited words out of my vocabulary.  The words 'hate' and 'lucky' were early-on put on my vocabulary chopping block.  Today, I formally place the word 'never' on the do not use list... it just does not hold validity for me, bye, bye.
  
3.  I know how to edit.  I do.  This is a challenge for most gals... me?  Nope?!  I am often called on to be the anchor of the family.  The one that says, nope, nadda, not gonna happen, to all the many activities, sports, and frills that can pull us all in different directions.  But the task I face at the moment... what happens when the list of to-dos are so very important, meaning if they are not done then others will hurt or go lacking?  This is my struggle.

4.  This is for all the young moms out there.  You know those moments when you dream of the day that your kids are old enough to leave at home alone?  That glorious day you can run out on a moments notice because you don't have to find a babysitter?

I'm finding there is a flip side to the phase I am in right now with the ages of my kids.  I do have 2 teenagers now.  I do have every confidence that they are safe and responsible when left at home alone.  The toughy.... I find I am leaving them, a lot, like I physically feel the weight of the knowledge that I have so little time left with them before missions and college.   And yet my responsibilities require me to pull out of my driveway and leave them behind.  Now combine that with homeschooling and I feel a real tug on me right now.  So ironic that when kids are little, we want them to grow up.... when they are growing up... we want every moment to slow down.   The need to be present for each moment... at least for me... is becoming monumental.  The intense desire I had to be with my children as they were little has in no way, shape, or form, lessens as they have gotten older... yet I'm not sure if the validity of me not wanting to leave my 'older' children carries as much weight as the desire for a mom to not leave her 'little' ones? 

And so there it is.  In black and white.  Not that my kids ever had the illusion that I was a supermom, never earned my cape :), but at least they will know that every choice I made and make... do and don't do... stay or go... these 3 young people are always the first and last thing I base any thing on.  This motherhood thing is tremendous, truly!